Last night I handed out candy to Trick-or-Treaters for the first time since I was in high school. This is an important point to make: when I was in high school, I was at home handing out candy and not trick-or-treating. I was shocked and appalled by the number of teenagers and ADULTS who came to my door asking for candy. Some of them weren’t even in costume, unless their costume was “cold college student”.
What has happened in this world where adults and young adults find it appropriate to parade around with children and essentially steal a child’s share of the annual treats? People run out of candy in my neighborhood, or so I hear. We did not, but I can imagine how fuming I’d be if I had run out of candy standing before a precious little girl in a Minnie Mouse costume after a woman old enough to be that little girl’s GRANDMOTHER (not even joking) approached me for candy an hour before.
Yes, I understand that I am under no obligation to give candy to any of these people. I, however, do not trust that an adult immature enough to go door to door peddling for candy wouldn’t be immature enough to in some way vandalize my property for laughing in their face. So, I handed over the Jolly Rancher, but I hoped they read the “Are you freaking kidding me?” in my facial expression.
I remember the last year I went trick-or-treating. I was 12. Even then, I remember being afraid of being “caught”. Yes, in my hometown, the police had so little to do that they would stop teenagers and adults trying to trick-or-treat. I really think there was a set age limit in the town. It might have been 12, probably more like 13. It is possible this was all in my head, but I hope not as it really makes sense.
Think about it. There is a reason why you don’t want teenagers and adults trick-or-treating on Halloween. Would you like your grandmother opening up her door after dark to a man in a mask carrying a plastic jack-o-lantern? Do you want your children running around your neighborhood next to some adult with a Jason mask on? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fear monger. I don’t believe in the stupid candy myths. I think those who hand out candy do it because they love children and the fun and spirit of the holiday. Those who don’t, close their curtains, turn off their porch light and sit in the back room watching the tube for a few hours. They don’t spend all afternoon dipping Tootsie Pops in cyanide and sliding razor blades into Milky Ways. But there certainly could be crazy people out there who would take opportunity in an evening where people open their doors to people with masks on.
And really, even for the adults who aren’t serial killers, molesters and rapists. What in the heck are you doing? You should be ashamed of yourself. Go home! You shouldn’t be eating candy anyway. It’ll go straight to your ass.